I am now 24 and really feel like every day when I wake up, I am genuinely not happy. Now I feel guilty for feeling this and even expressing this when I have so much to be thankful for.
I have a great family, an amazing boyfriend my own car a decent job, and A LOT of nice things. I am also extremely blessed to live in North America – Canada and have such a high comfort of safety each day. All of which I am eternally grateful for.
I would however trade everything however to be completely happy. I mean I have always heard people say that and have got when they meant, now I truly understand what they mean. For me when I started this blog it was an attempt to hopefully find myself and a portal for me to express, share, learn and make some friends. Lately however I have been apprehensive to get personal not fully sure if I wanted to share my personal deep feelings with the world. This morning when I woke up and was thinking of my blog on the way to work I decided to say screw it and just post how I feel, I mean that’s the point so why not be real. So here is my story...
The past few years for me have been very difficult, I have gone through quite a bit in regards to my health – dealing with anxiety, insomnia and overall a compromised immune system. This has really been tough for me being 24 and wanting to really enjoy being my age, travel, make friends, socially drink and just have fun without thinking how is this going to affect my health the next day or next week.
Essential to give you a breakdown of how I got this way starts with going back to my second year of university. I became quite ill – Viral Infection is what the doctors told me and I was in the hospital until they sent me home and said just rest and you will feel better. This virus however lasted one full week, nothing has ever taken me down so harshly, I couldn't’t move, could hardly eat, had a temperature of 106 and felt like I was going to honestly not make it. Thankfully my best friend was by my side (she is my sister – most amazing woman I have ever met) took care of me from literally bathing me to feeding me – you name it she did it, I am so blessed for her. My parents were in Calgary and I went to school in Ontario, they wanted me to get on a plane ASAP however there was no way I could. After the first week of being sick I woke up one day with a huge rash covering my body, almost like a heat rash. I immediately went to the clinic at school where they told me it was my body’s reaction to such a high fever. A week later I felt significantly better, was back and school and pretty much back into my normal day to day routine.
Fast-forward to six months later – Calgary, Alberta - August 2007
I woke up and felt terrible, like I hadn’t slept all night and literally felt like I couldn't’t move. I felt my symptoms of my viral infection slowly re-occurring and figured I was just getting sick again. I went back to school in Ontario and attended my 3rd year of university. This year however I couldn't’t focus, slept all the time, and was totally not myself. Instead of meeting friends after class I was dying to go home and lay down. This significantly changed my life from the way I socialize to my thinking process to well EVERYTHING! I quickly became depressed and felt as if I had no one to talk to about it. I attended doctors all telling me I had mono but when the numerous blood tests were done they was no evidence. I continued on with school and it wasn’t until a few years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This is essentially an auto immune disorder in which makes you very tired, gives you brain fog which makes you unable to focus, you feel sick all the time, high anxiety etc. I could go on forever.
In April of this year I attended a clinic called the Fibro and Fatigue Center located in Las Vegas, Nevada. Where I was formally diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome also know as CFS. This clinic specializes in the disorder and is highly recognized in North America. i won't mention the ridiculous cost of this clinic however I'll just say that when you know the help is out there waiting for you, you are desperate.
I am going to cut this blog short and decide to create a part two because there is so much more I need to share with you all. Thanks for listening and sleep tight :)